The Ghost

Your love held me in place. I would tell myself that the weight of it all felt good, as though I had a reason to be part of this.

But the truth is I'm better at moving through walls than I am talking to them. 

My existence may be faint but it is you who are the empty shell. I've given up on sinking ships and abandoned buildings. 

You are going to feel me long after I've gone. Whenever a light flickers, whenever something disappears you swear you just had. The dreams you wake from in a panic. Anytime it's too quiet. 

You are going to feel your mistakes rush in like a storm surge. 

Your lesson comes when you realize your love wasn't a strong enough anchor to hold me down. My lesson was learning to let go. This wreckage belongs to you now. 

Don't worry my dear, you won't be haunted by my presence. You will be haunted by my absence.

Morning Sunlight Through My Curtains

Electric Orchid

I found this Bauhinia variegata blooming outside my apartment and it brandishes quite a lovely neon flame.

Orion

I can only see you in the dark. When my eyes are closed. Surrounded by the endless unknown.

There was a time when I could watch your smile dance upon your face. I could feel the scars on your body. I used to know the color of your eyes. The smell of your skin reminded me of home. But I've never had a city to call my own.

I think I was always destined to be alone. I'm a fighter, a hunter. I love freedom. Tradition is control dressed up so the shackles feel like jewelry. Autonomy is the purest form of power. I never sought the company of others because I had no equal.

But you found me.

An accidental meeting that felt more like a collision. You were smart, charismatic, and a fighter as well. You held my interest like no one else. We could overcome the demons in the darkness with our fire. You saw the flickering moonlight in my soul and knew that was what you craved. You never tried to take me away from the things I loved. You had no ambition to tame me. Your love was real because you desired the wild.

You told me once that an extinguished passion is only dust in the wind, and you were here to play with fire.

I was always myself but in you I had someone I could be free with. I could run with you, fly with you. You never tried to slow me down. You kept up and encouraged me to be better.

But fate would take you from me. I mourned you with a flood of tears. I was used to being alone but for the first time I felt emptiness. Your absence wasn't merely just physical presence but a part of my future that was lost. Of course I can exist without you but the meaning is gone.

Sometimes I tell myself I can keep going because I'm strong. But other times I think I can feel you lying next to me. I catch a glimpse of you out of the corner of my eye. But you're not there.

People don't understand why I love to be alone. Why I find comfort in the dark. The truth is, out here, in the cold and the quiet, is the closest I can ever be to you.

Even though you are gone you still light my world.

Venus Rising

The sky over Lake Underhil Park. You can see the divide between the neighborhood and the highway echoed by the clouds. Venus, the only visible star, hovers in the darkest part of the sky. 

Bok Tower

Bok Tower was a place I had visited years ago and fallen in love with. It had slipped to the back of my mind until my best friend Matt met me there for a spontaneous trip.

Winter Bloom

A delicate, ruffled Hibiscus in the cold January rain.