Monday, March 26, 2018

Lemon Cookies

As a child the only time I ever had lemon cookies was at my grandfather’s house. They were the store brand ones with the cream in the middle like an Oreo. I don’t remember if he liked them or if he only had them at the house because of me; but every time I eat a lemon flavored cookie I am transported to his backyard. I remember the pool and the hibiscus flowers. The water wings that actually made it difficult to swim. Everything was so beautiful. 
Honesty is a crazy thing. 

I was raised to be honest. I was told people would respect me for it. I was told it would set me free. Most often I found that it will set people free of me. 

The words come out easy, for me they always have. But it’s not simply the words - it is the meaning they carry. My eyes well up with tears, my chest burns, my spirit grows. But this is always perceived as weakness. 

I’ve lost so much for the sake of honesty I sometimes wonder why I was allowed to have anything at all. 

I give too much to get so little in return, but I’m not here to hold back. Let this venom run its course. One night at a time, love in fragments. 

Rejection gnaws on me slow and steady. Was I only made to be wasted? 

I can only be lost in myself for so long. My introspection turns into auto pilot. The cats are hungry. The sink is full of dishes. I let the laundry pile up for too long. I load up the car and head to the laundromat. I cram all my clothes into the machine and feed it quarters. I realize I haven’t eaten anything in a while. Sometimes the laundromat leaves out free snacks for the customers. I walk over the food stand and pull up the lid. 

Lemon cookies. The store brand ones with the cream in the middle. 

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Aloe Flower

A lovely aloe flower blooming in my parent’s back yard laced with the silk thread of a wandering spider. 


Sunday, March 18, 2018

Jax

Early in January I was able to catch the stray cat I had been trying to rescue. Since he was about two years old and had been outdoors his whole life the vet’s office was traumatic and my apartment was quite foreign to him. 


Even though he had never been in a car before he handled the ride well. His shoulder injury was already healing and thankfully wasn’t infected. I named him Jax and I quickly fell in love with his sweet demeanor and soft, pink nose.


At first he spent the majority of the time hiding under my bed.


Eventually he grew to appreciate the regular feedings and comfy cushions.


He seems to favor the company of my younger cat Kobi, which is especially adorable since they appeared to try to play with each other through the door when he was still outside. At first I noticed that my door mat was always out of place, then I would catch glimpses of him near the door. When I opened the door, Kobi was always sitting right on the other side.



Jax cuddling with Jet while Kobi enjoys the view.


Kobi and Jax having a lazy afternoon.

Saturday, March 17, 2018

An Afternoon With Ava

My best friend Amber and her husband Justin invited me to the zoo with their baby Ava. Afterwords, I had her all to myself while they went out to the movies. It was a treat hanging out with this little lady!


Ava and Amber.


Ava and Justin.


Sweet, delicious cake pop!


Ava was fascinated with my teeth!