Bok Tower

Bok Tower was a place I had visited years ago and fallen in love with. It had slipped to the back of my mind until my best friend Matt met me there for a spontaneous trip.

Bad Day Beautiful

I have often said that a best friend could turn a bad day beautiful. Never was that more true than when my best friend came to help me after one of my tires exploded on the highway.

I was on my way to Tampa to visit him for his going away party. He was going to be moving to New Orleans. I was supposed to get there early to hang out before the party, but as luck would have it one of my tires blew and I had to pull over on an exit ramp. 

Not only did Matt come and wait with me until the tow truck arrived, he also help make wonderful memories out of what could have easily been a bad day.

When we got to the tire shop he proudly showed off his shoes with the soles falling off. We decided to take this delightful train wreck across the street to Checkers while we waited for my car to get fixed.

It had been years since I ate at a Checkers and I swear to God I think we just ordered fries and ice cream. 

I took this photograph at the cafe in Ybor where Matt had his going away party. He was lost in his thoughts and I love the way it came out. 

Saying our goodbyes after the party. He turned a bad day into a beautiful one.

Lovely Dining With You

Early in 2014 my friend Matt decided to move to Tampa. In the months that followed we would make plans to meet. We would normally catch up over lunch and I always took photos. 

Thrilled at Einstein Bagels.

Trying to find peace at Bikkuri Sushi.

Avoiding the paparazzi at Tijuana Flats.

Trapped in my apartment.

Trying to enjoy a hamburger at Checkers somewhere in Seffner after coming to rescue me from the highway after one of my tires exploded. 

Remarkably, after all this, he still agrees to meet up with me.

DRIP's One Year Anniversary

On Saturday, November 16th DRIP celebrated one year of being open on International Drive in Orlando Florida. It was a night to honor our success as well as our family of supporters. Past and present cast members could all be seen side by side in a delightful reunion. It was beautifully overwhelming to be surrounded by so much love and creativity. 

Tinkerbelle has been with the show since before we opened our doors and she was instrumental in coming up with the shows lighting design. Dimitri originally came to the show as a guest in March. He loved the show so much that he saw it multiple times and asked if he could work with us. For the past year I have worked with Tink and Dimitri the closest and they have become good friends as well as an adorable couple. Tink received her first tattoo on the day of our anniversary. It matched Dimitri's and highlights their love of the Harry Potter series. 

After the show the band was planning on moving into the bar area to perform more songs and keep the party going. We had a singer joining us for the event but David, our musical director, asked the cast and crew if they wanted to sing any songs. Tink, pictured above with the band, practices her performance of Ylvis's viral hit "What Does The Fox Say?"

I also got the chance to sing. I performed "I Hate Myself For Loving You" by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. My best friend Matt was en route to the show when I was called up to the stage. I began singing and was overwhelmed by the support and enthusiasm from my fellow cast members, most of whom had no idea that I could sing. It was my first time singing in front of an audience and there I was with a full band behind me and 130 guests watching. I had a blast doing it! It is something that I wish I did more often and I was truly grateful for the experience. 

Just as I began the second verse Matt rushed in through the door waving his hands. Our eyes meet and I smiled. I was so happy that he made it in the nick of time. 

After I got off stage we embraced and he smiled "I had no idea you could do that!" I was so overjoyed to have him there with me that night. 

This is one of my favorite photos from that night. Mariko, our CEO and Creative Director, decided to surprise us with framed posters that said "Original Cast and Crew". From left to right: Jessie Sander, our principal dancer who has also done a considerable amount of production work with us as well, Mariko, Tink, and myself. The four of us have been a solid team long before we opened the doors.

This past year has certainly been one of the most rewarding years of my life. Looking back it is amazing to see how far we have come and how hard we all strived. I could not imaging working with better group of people. I know in my heart that we have become an unstoppable force and that this was only the beginning.

The Fight

Fights are a common feature of my life. I came from a large and argumentative family. My father gains the advantage by shouting, my mother digs her heels in patient defiance, and my quarrelsome siblings and I were always fighting for rank. Former friends would wear me down with their passive-aggressive tendencies and ex-boyfriends would expect me to bow to their demands without compromise. And I with my strong personality have never been one to let others walk over me.

But you fight like no one else I have ever met.

You text messaged me to cancel the day we had planned. You had just started your shift at work and I was curled up in my sheets trying to sleep in on my precious day off. Never mind that it was five in the morning. I looked at your message with a sleepy broken-heartedness. I felt like our day together was ruined before it even started. I put the phone back down without responding. I didn't want to deal with you. 

A few hours went by and my silence was making you uneasy. You sent another message offering to make other plans but I refused. Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the let down but I couldn't hide my anger any more. I finally responded. 

"To be perfectly honest I feel like I started my one day off arguing with you and I am in such a shitty mood already. I don't want to hang out with you today and it kills me to say that."

As soon as I sent the text I burst into tears. This is the part where I speak my mind and brace for the retaliation. I didn't have to wait long for a response but it was not what I expected. 

"I'm going to call you after I get off work, will you answer?"
I started at the message with a weary smile. I knew you were trying and I felt disarmed.
Without hesitating I wrote back. "Yes, I will answer."

You see, I have been told many times about how unpleasant I am to deal with in a fight. I just wanted to be understood. Anger is just the last resort after being polite has failed. Most people go through life trying to hide their feelings to save friendships. But I was more afraid of the relationships I would have if I didn't fight. I wasn't going to pretend that you didn't break my heart. 

In the past when this happened with others they would storm off and call me names. They would arrogantly wait for me to cool down until I was rational again in their eyes. But you are nothing like them. You jumped right into the fire. 

You didn't do it out of fear and you didn't do it because you thought it would appease me. You did it because you cared enough about us to make sure we were still okay. I am not used to this kind of sincerity on bad days and for that you have earned my loyalty. I am a sucker for someone who keeps trying out of the goodness of their own heart. 

You called me when you got out of work and I did answer the phone. What struck me was that the first breaths out of both our mouths were apologies. Our instinct to take care of each other overrides any pain we may have caused. 

After a brief pause you heard me sniffle and wipe some tears from my eyes. 

"Do you want me to come over?" you asked

"Yes, please" 

You were at my apartment moments later and we embraced in the doorway. We sat and talked for hours. We talked until we were both okay again. It was never about what we were going to do that day, only that we spent the time together. It was not the day at the beach I had so badly wanted, but something about sitting across from you in that tiny kitchen in my pajamas with tear soaked cheeks reminded me that our love is one of the most honest and beautiful things I've been a part of. What a treasure it is to be in the company of someone who fights as hard as I do and for the right reasons. 

The following day we found ourselves at your place. After lunch you brought out your guitar, something you are normally very shy about. You played new songs for me until we were sleepy and sinking into the couch cushions. As I laid there with heavy eyes I watched you strum to the sound of the rain falling on the grass. I know my tempestuous heart is safe in your anxious hands, and what a perfectly unique fit it is.

Constellations Amid the Cosmic Dust

I often feel like some of my best days at Starbucks are the ones I get to work with Matt. Lately our busy lives don't seem to intersect as much as they used to. I had been through an exhausting summer and working mostly morning shifts. Matt was usually working nights and struggling to keep up with his classes. Sometimes we pass each other like two comets in the sky. After a few weeks we decided to meet up for lunch. Once we finished catching up we found ourselves on a spontaneous trip to the Orlando Science Center.

I had been to the Science Center a few weeks earlier and I had been fascinated with the dinosaurs and wildlife exhibits. This was Matt's first visit and he was much more drawn to the hands on displays. Since I had gotten my fix on a previous trip I decided to explore with him. I felt like I got to see a completely different side of the museum as we turned into inquisitive children.

As we walked past this screen we noticed that it picked up our images. As we moved closer to the monitor a floor keyboard lit up on the bottom of the screen. We were able to use our feet to play an invisible piano.

We came across an electronic harp which used lasers instead of strings. Matt, who actually plays the harp, wasted no time in figuring out all of its different settings. 

This metallic disk was engraved with Morse Code. When spun the laser would read the message by beeping.

Matt learning about all of the body functions through this interactive model. 

This table was set up to illustrate the importance of making a building that could withstand an earthquake. Once your structure was in place you could hit a button that would make the table shake. 

Our structure was not sound. 

Matt braving the 78 mile per hour winds of a hurricane. 

This was a table made to show how the eye of a storm is formed by using a gel-like substance. As I spun the table the outer edges swirled rapidly while the interior moved slower and became a perfect circle. The most interesting movement happened when I abruptly stopped the table to spin it in the opposite direction. The swirls became erratic and bunched up as they adjusted to the change in momentum. 

At first I thought the glare was going to make it impossible to get a good shot of this mesmerizing table. However, the glare actually made the shot more intriguing. Suddenly it wasn't just the eye of a storm I was looking at. My perspective broadened and the spots of light became stars and planets in a chaotic and beautiful universe. Constellations amid the cosmic dust. 

After our trip to the Science Center I surprised Matt with a collection of photographs and videos I had taken of him during the first two years of our friendship. Most of them were from silly little outings or just us simply hanging around. Many were from seemingly uneventful days, but combined they become the beacons of a friendship that still surprises me. 

We sat and went through all the photos and laughed. Matt hadn't seen most of them before this day. Memories from the past two years came flooding back. An even though we have only known each other for a short while these images are proof of time well spent. 

Each photo may not amount to much individually but together they begin to number like the stars. Looking back they tell our story the way night sky tells the history of the Earth. These scattered moments become the constellations amid the cosmic dust of our friendship - always chaotic and always beautiful. 

The City Arts Factory

When I was younger I wanted to be an animator. By the time I got to college I wanted to majored in Graphic Design. I always imagined I would be producing work for studios or clients. Towards the end of college I began working with the performance art company DRIP and knew from the start that is where I was supposed to be. Once I started this website I found that I had an amazing outlet to focus my creative energies as well as develop my interest in writing. The more I think about it the more I realize that I am so lucky to allow myself the freedom to follow my creative endeavours as opposed to a traditional career path. I am certainly not walking the path I had planned for myself but I do feel as though I am moving in better direction.

Originally I had never imagine that I would have work on display in a gallery. As my path changed I started to see new possibilities. One of my friends made me aware of the City Arts Factory, a gallery in downtown Orlando that has open submissions every month. The theme for August was animation and I had some perfect pieces of work to submit. I took three of my best works from my previous post Digital Portraits and they got excepted into the show.

I went to the opening reception the following Thursday evening. I had never had my work on display like this before and I was completely overjoyed. I ran into professional photographer Douglas Nesbitt, someone I have known for a while through working at Starbucks. We stopped to talk for a moment over the snack table.

"Hey, I'm glad to see you here supporting the arts."
"Actually, I have some work on display!" I said announced
"Oh, show me which ones are yours."

I lead him towards the end of the room.

"These three are mine" I stated proudly.

He looked them over for a brief moment.

"These are good. I had no idea you made anything like this." He paused to continue looking at them. "You should raise the price."

I was elated by his vote of confidence. I told him that I had struggled a bit with the price. I took into consideration that this was my first show. I did think I went a little low but I wanted to give them a good chance to sell. I was just excited that Douglas thought so highly of my work. It was kind of a Cinderella moment. Most people know me as that girl who works at Starbucks. It is always gratifying to be recognized as an artist.

Most of my friends weren't able to make the opening and my family lives out of town. I didn't realize how important it was for me to share this moment with someone until my friend Matt got there. I showed him my work and he smiled "This is it! You're and artist!"

Photo by Matthew Dodenhoff

We got some wine and walked around the gallery just taking everything in. Even though Matt came to support me he still wanted to see everything else in the show. The walls were packed with beautiful pieces; every room held treasures. We talked about our favorite pieces and met several amazing artists. After we had toured the rooms we went back to see my pieces. We were talking for a moment when I noticed a few people were discussing my work. 

I snapped a quick photo. 

"I can't believe this!" I whispered to Matt "I've never seen people talk about my work. This is incredible! I wonder what they are saying."

We paused for a moment to eavesdrop. They talked about the color and the style; I couldn't make out every word. Matt and I were still caught up in listening when they turned around to see us staring. Matt and I nervously sipped out wine and looked away. They didn't know I was the artist and they gave us a quizzical look before continuing to looking at other pieces. I leaned over to Matt and smiled. "Maybe next time we should look less suspicious."

After Matt left I began to mingle with the other artist. I got to meet so many talented people with such wonderful works of art. I was pleasantly surprised because when I mentioned that I had work on display most people immediately recalled which ones were mine. I was so happy to see that my work stood out enough that they could remember what it looked like even after they had been looking at hundreds of pieces throughout the evening. 

It was a profound reminder that even though I have experienced a number of twists and turns on my path that I am still moving in an amazing direction and it just feels right. I am starting to realize that the person I am growing into is more vibrant than the person I thought I was going to be. Evolution is beautiful. 

To view Douglas Nesbitt's photography please visit: http://www.djn1111.com/index.html

"I Hope You Enjoy This, As I Do Enjoy Our Friendship"

A while ago my friend Matt bought me a book. It was called "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood. It is a wonderfully written, heartbreaking distopia, and I highly recommend that you read it if you get the chance.

Matt and I were supposed to hang out one weekend, however, he got held up in Tampa. When he returned he presented the book to me with a handwritten note on the inside cover expressing his hope  that I would find the same love and inspiration that he felt through this book. Shuffled amongst the pages was another handwritten note. This one was written after he found out he wasn't going to make it back to Orlando in time. He apologized for the lost weekend, expressed more love for the book, and most curiously of all - included an illustration on the back.

The end of the note read: "I drew this fairly recently, and I like it. Actually, I really like the woman, not so much the man. But it was an attempt at realistic art. (When I draw real art, I <3 <3 <3 the 40's.) Anyways, I hope you enjoy this, as I do enjoy our friendship."

I turned the note over to find this little illustration:

A Matthew Dodenhoff original

I've become accustomed to Matt leaving notes and illustrations all over Starbucks when we work together. Almost everyone is meant to draw laughter, especially when accompanied by a silly caption. However, this one was different. No silly phrase, no goofy characters, not even any context. It just looked like to people who's lives intersect briefly on a street corner without so much as a word.

I was touched by the book and the note, but the illustration stayed on my mind. Maybe because it was so unusual, maybe it was because being an artist I don't receive much artwork. 

A few month's later Matt endured a difficult move. Although he remained in Orlando he moved across the city to be closer to work and struggled to get out of a living arrangement with a bad roommate. I had some rough living situations and I could definitely sympathize. Once he settled into his adorable apartment I set to work on his housewarming present.

I took inspiration from his note and decided to recreate his illustration with my style of drawing. I also pulled some ideas from Mad Men and I ended up with this:

From start to finish it took about seven hours and it is one of the first pure illustrations I have done in a long time.  For the most part I create illustrations for myself but this one was made for Matt. 

Siren

I was driving from Orlando to Tampa to visit my family. My nerves were shaky as they usually are on the drive west. Ricocheting between my optimism and my anxiety to get back to my life in Orlando, I am usually blind-sided by the turbulent nature of the home I grew out of.

I focus my eyes on the road as my speedometer reads close to 80 mph and I try to navigate the screen of my iPod by touch alone. I usually prefer to drive at night. I'm not used to all this traffic and sunlight blaring through my windshield. My nervous energy is in full force as I keep hitting the "Next" button on my iPod. I don't even know what I'm in the mood to listen to. I try to subdue my fears about the rough waters ahead.

Then I hear the soft melody of his guitar and my hand finds its rightful resting place across my lap. I can feel my back roll into the drivers seat as I take a long, deep breath.

I have many of his songs but the one that came up that day was his version of "I'm on Fire". Although he lacks the gruff vocals of The Boss I have to admit that I always liked his version better. He has the capacity to be innocent, aware, haunting, and vulnerable all in the same breath. I surrender all control of my environment with the exception of my hand on the wheel and let his voice nourish all the empty space in my car.

The endless fields of Florida brush start to resemble gentle ocean waves undulating in slow motion. Cotton clouds speckle the great blue expanse. As I stare ahead at the vanishing point of the highway in the horizon I realize this how ancient sailors must have felt. Lost in my travels, driven by the instinct to move, with a siren's song stuck in my ears. If I didn't know any better I could have sworn that the edge of the Earth was waiting for me just beyond my field of vision. Yet as I get closer and closer to the edge my fear becomes less and less. My Siren does not call me to my doom. His voice makes me feel like I can conquer all obstacles. His song is all the permission I need to center myself. Another deep breath and I regain tranquility.

I could sail off the edge of the map listening to a voice like that.

Happy Housewarming

A short while after my friend Matt moved into his new apartment we met up so I could get the tour. Our first stop was an adorable little restaurant called Spooky's Black Cat Cafe.

This image was taken behind Spooky's. I was simultaniously trying to capture the beautiful haze in the sky and Matt's child-like resistance to being photographed.

Matt playing the piano he received as a gift from one of our Starbucks customers. I love the way his head blocks lamp making it look as though he wears a halo. It reminds me of those medieval manuscripts elaborately depicting monks busy at their desks, surrounded by the books they are meticulously working to reproduce.

I was having a hard time getting the color to come out right on this shot. I don't do black and white photos that often but I fell in love with this one. 

And so our tour ends in the attic. Sleep well Starbucks Prince.

Matthew

I will never forget the first time I saw Matt. I was working at Starbucks and I was coming out from the back room. I was passing by the register and he was standing at the counter talking to one of my coworkers. Something about him made me stop dead in my tracks. His eyes gave me the immediate impression that he was kind and open-minded.

"What can I help you with?" I asked, a bit skeptical of my own intuition.
"I was wondering if you guys are hiring?"

At first he looked too young to work there, but as it turns out he was twenty and had already been employed at a Starbucks in Tampa for about a year. He was moving to Orlando to go back to school and he wanted to transfer. I wrote down his information and wished him luck. I walked to the back room with the note in my hand. I put the piece of blue paper on my managers desk but before I walked away I read over his name one more time. Matthew Dodenhoff. I couldn't explain it, but I had a good feeling about him.

The next day my manager told me that she had hired him, two days later was our first shift working together.

We became friends immediately. As we worked that day we always found ourselves running into each other, like there was some pull for us to interact. It was an oddly reassuring feeling; one that I still try to understand.

Less than a month later he invited me to a CocoaRosie concert. I've never been one for going out downtown, but I said yes without thinking. After we got there he started to feel dizzy. We were sitting on some stairs waiting for the show to start when he leaned towards me and put his head down across my lap. I put my arm around his shoulder to comfort him and we sat there quietly for a few minutes in a crowd full of rowdy people waiting for the show to start. Normally the bar scene makes me anxious, but in that moment I felt calm. We sat there in an unspoken trust and waited for the show to start.

CocoaRosie was wonderful and they put on a very unique show. I was glad for the experience but my favorite part was seeing Matt so excited over one of his favorite bands.

I short time after that I found out that I was going to be honored at Starbucks because it was my five year anniversary with the company. I had a lot of mixed feelings about that. On one hand I was glad I had been employed for so long at the same place, but on the other hand I felt like my employment at Starbucks was not a truly accurate representation of myself as a person. It felt strange to get an award for that.

Matt was working with me that day and he could tell I was upset. I told him about how proud I was of other things going on in my life, particularly my involvement with DRIP. He listened to me talk about the shows we had done in the past and he told me that he would love to see the next one. I remember the sincerity in his voice and expression standing out more to me than the actual words he used.

The next DRIP event that was held after that was the "Rock Out with your Cocktails Out" fundraiser. Matt helped with the set up for the show as well as perform some of his original music.

I was in charge of the fundraiser and it was a huge responsibility for me. I was so focused on the show that I had forgotten to request the next day off work at Starbucks so I could rest. Unfortunately I was scheduled to work an opening shift which starts at 4:30am. I was exhausted, making drinks for an endless line, trying to remain upbeat. Matt was at the register talking orders and marking cups. It was too busy for him to talk to me, but he managed to grab an extra cup and stick it in the queue:

In my haste I grabbed the cup looking for what to ingredients to put in it when I read "You are doing a great job. I would be dead if I were you". I was like a hug I need so badly. More encouragement to keep going. 

Matt loves to write notes. Most of them are just plain funny. Sometimes when I come in to open he leaves notes from the night before. They are taped to the register, the floor, inside the refrigerators, and sometimes hanging from the ceiling. None of our coworkers are spared from receiving these goofy little notes, but I think I treasure them more then anyone else. I have most of them saved in an envelope in my desk. 

I remember one day we had made plans to hang out. He was going to meet me at Publix when he got off work. It ended up pouring rain and I stood outside by the door trying to spot him. I finally saw him waving from his car and I decided to run for it. As I was running he got out of his car to open his umbrella. As soon as the umbrella was open we almost collided underneath it. "Hi" we both said to each other laughing. Looking back I think this image became the perfect metaphor for our friendship. We seem to fumble around sometimes, not sure what to do with ourselves, but when we are together the worst of circumstances never feel that bad. We can laugh at anything, huddled under our umbrella. 

Later that day we went to the Maitland Art Center, a little architectural gem tucked away between the train tracks and Lake Sybelia. We wandered around outside in the rain looking at all the buildings modeled after the Mayan culture. I can't think of many people who would want to be outside in the rain looking at architecture with me, but he enjoyed it, and I enjoyed having him with me. 

More than anything else I think it is the simple things that he does that leave the biggest impressions on me. The silly notes, bursting into song at work, a pomegranate and a chocolate bar on a bad day. His enjoyment in playing the harp, the nicknames that he bestows upon me, and the way that he makes Taco Bell fun on a rainy day. Sitting on the grass in a park talking about everything from pet peeves to the spiritually profound. No subject is too small or too taboo to discuss. The variety and depth of conversation is simply enlivening. Sometimes it's the way we can look at each other and laugh without having to say a word. His knowing smile says so much. 

Photo by Amber Pressly 

Early on I was struggling to put this unique bond into words.

"How would you describe it?" I  asked him one day while we were sitting at the park. He stood up and brushed his hair away from his face. He thought for a brief moment.

"It feels like home" he said. "There have only been a few people I've meet in my life that I've felt a bond with right away, and you are one of them. It feels like home. Is that weird?"

I stared at him for a moment, stunned.

"There was one word that I was thinking of; it was home".

Looking back on that first day I met him, it's amazing to see how powerfully he has impacted my life. He can bring a sense of playful inventiveness to the most ordinary of days. That spirited magic and sense of humor can still catch me by surprise, but I enjoy the journey. Being around Matt is just good for my soul.