The Gun Debate

The Uvalde school shooting occurred on May 24th, mere days after the Buffalo shooting. This shooting was made even more tragic and sickening by the woefully ineffective police response. They arrived before the shooter got into the building, did nothing to stop him, waited for almost an hour, and handcuffed desperate parents trying to get to their children. I can not get over the cowardice and cruelty. No doubt, more lives could have been saved with better response. 

I lost a friend in the Pulse shooting in 2016. The attack started around 2:00am and didn’t end until after 5:00am. There was a long standoff between the shooter and the police. I don’t know if my friend died instantly or if he could have been saved if the police had put a stop to it sooner. 

Seeing the parents beg the police to intervene at Uvalde was devastating. Reliving the emotions from losing my friend in the Pulse shooting was heartbreaking. The inevitable gun debate that always comes up is infuriating. 

Shortly after the Pulse shooting, I was working a shift at the bank. Two men in their mid to late 30’s walked up to the counter. One had the silhouette of a rifle on his dark green shirt. The both walked up to the counter loudly laughing and proclaiming, completely unprompted, that no one was going to take their guns away. They were lost in their own conversation and didn’t even acknowledge that I greeted them. 

They had no idea that I had lost a friend. I had to stand there politely while they continued boasting about their guns. Not a single mention of those who passed or what a tragedy it was. Just their precious guns. I’ve never wanted to jump over a counter so bad in all my life. I had to wait until they left before I was able to excuse myself and cry on the bathroom floor. 

So far, I am the only one in my family who was personally effected by a mass shooting. I hope it stays that way.

I grew up in a family where many people own guns. I never felt safer because it. 

Maybe it was because many of the people I grew up around that already made me feel uneasy turned out to be the ones who got really into guns. Only a few I would describe as truly responsible. 

I held them, I’ve fired them, they’re just not for me. 

I’ve had to explain this every time the gun debate comes up. I, like the vast majority of Americans, want stricter gun laws and a ban on assault rifles. But what about all those good guns with guns? My question is, how would you even know what a good guy with a gun looked like? 

I get deeply uncomfortable anytime I see someone with an open carry gun strapped to their body. How tense do they have to be to feel like they need it? How well do they know how to use it? What if they are having a bad day? If this turns into a shooting how far do I think I’ll be able to run? With all the mass shootings, what are my chances this is truly a good guy? Anytime I see someone with an open carry I move as far away from them as possible. It’s just unnerving.

They don’t want to live in fear but they seem to walk around like everyone is their enemy. I’ll get them before they get me. They are so terrified someone is going to take their guns. I can tell you from experience, going to the funeral of someone taken too soon is far worse. I still hope they never know what that feels like. Or what it feels like to have “good guys with guns” mock your grief. 

I feel like I’ve spent a lot of time, especially over the past few years, doing my best to remain soft and not go numb. For my friend, who deserved so much better, and for those not giving up on a better future. 

Blood Moon

Across the Field

Inclusions

Quartz, much like diamonds and precious gemstones, is graded by its clarity. But I find inclusions can often be more interesting and far more striking. 

The Rapier Champion of Castlemere

I started fencing back at the beginning of 2018. I loved it but basically felt like I had fumbled along with it for two years when the pandemic hit. Everything was put on hold and all practices and events were canceled. In early 2021 the practices started back up again. Sergio, who I had met a few times at events in 2019, had moved to Orlando from Miami during the pandemic and was now coming to our local practices. I had always been drawn to his big personality and sense of humor; and once we began practicing together we became fast friends. 

It was a little rough getting back into the swing of things after such a long break. Everyone felt rusty. Some practices went well and I was thrilled I had remembered so much. Other practices were difficult and I would try to work through tears of frustration. Overall, it just felt good to be back. Master Robert, a renowned rapier fighter and 30 year member of the SCA, had started coming to a few of the practices and pulled me aside one day. He’d seen at several events and practices over the past few years and wanted to know what my goals and ambitions were going forward. He told me to take time to think it over and he’d follow up with me at the next practice. 

I spent the next few days mulling over my answer and dreading telling him what it was. Robert had been in the SCA for years and was incredibly skilled. He had perfected his craft, won numerous awards, and achieved the level of Master of Defense (MOD) - the highest rank among rapier fighters. He was a bit of a legend within the SCA. 

I, on the other hand, struggled with it since I started. I had made progress but didn’t consider myself to be all that good. I had no grand ambition to get awards or titles. I didn’t have any desire to reach a particular status. I just wanted to get better and have fun. Now I had to tell that to a master fighter who had been doing this most of his life. I felt like he wouldn’t take me seriously anymore. 

The day came and he pulled me aside at practice. Sergio was standing with us as I gave my sorry little speech. I knew Sergio was trying to become a MOD and now I felt like he wouldn’t take me seriously either. I was still honest and let them know how I felt. I just wanted to continue learning. They listened, respected my answer, and I continued to show up at practice. 

A few months later it started to rain in the middle of practice and Sergio and I ended up in his car to wait it out. He asked me if I was anyone's cadet (formal student). He was a little surprised when I told him I wasn’t. I explained that I had worked with Tim and Jake a lot before the pandemic but was afraid to ask. Tim and Jake are both wonderful teachers but they had other cadets and busy family lives. Typically it was the cadet who would ask to become the formal student, but I never felt it would have been appropriate given my skill level and everyone's schedules. 

Sergio surprised me and asked if I would be his cadet. He said he had given it a lot of thought, he had seen me at every practice and even remembered the time I got so frustrated that I cried. He said I was dedicated and that was the type of student he wanted to work with. I was floored, he had heard what I had said to Robert all those months ago and still wanted me to be his cadet. He said I could take time and think it over, but I answered him “ yes” right there and without hesitation. 

Sergio already had two cadets. Franco who still lived in Miami and Javier who also moved to Orlando a few years ago. Javier had been friends with Sergio since they were thirteen and had been coming to practice for the past few months. Keith T. was made a cadet after me and he was a great rapier fighter from Melbourne. Aside from Franco (who lived so far away), we were quite the little group. Everyone had a great sense of humor and enjoyed working together. 

Our group at the Starhaven (Melbourne area) practice. Left to right: Javier, Keith T., and myself.
In front: Sergio. Photo by unknown.

Not long after I became Sergio’s cadet there had been a misunderstanding about his roles within the SCA. He was frustrated and I reached out to talk with him about it. I understood where he was coming from and told him that he’d always have my support. He told me that I was the only reason he hadn’t given up doing rapier. I was so touched by that.

For the most part it was usually Sergio and I who would carpool to events. The rides were full of wacky stories, laughter, and singing along with the music. We balanced each other well. I always made sure we had snacks and that he gets enough water. He bought a folding chair and I painted it with his badge. He loves to show it off at events. He knew I wanted to learn how to sew so he let me borrow his sewing machine and helped me learn how to use it. He also started teaching me some melee tactics (group combat as opposed to the typical one on one style of most rapier fighting). 

The before and after pictures of the chair I painted with Sergio’s badge. 

Myself posing with the first dress I made. 

We attended an event near Tampa in January of 2022 where Sergio had officially given me my red scarf to show that I was his cadet. We had both fought in the rapier competition that day but Sergio emerged as the winner and became the Rapier Champion of Wyvernwoode (Tampa area). 

Sergio and I after he gave me my red scarf at the Wyvernwoode event. Photo by Daryle Pompeo.

On March 26th we had planned to go to another event near Jacksonville. Sergio had a change of plans and was not able to go. He still encouraged me and Javier to go so we rode up together. Javier didn’t want to compete that day, so of the two of us it was only going to be me entering the tournament. The plan was to fight and then leave to head back to Orlando in the early evening. 

The event was for the Investiture of the new Barons Toramasa (T.S.) and Aki (Elizabeth), and the winner of the tournament would hold the title of the Champion of Castlemere (Jacksonville area) for a year. I entered the competition along with six other fighters and it was double elimination, meaning once you had lost two flights you were out. The winner of the championship would be chosen by the barons which meant that they had the option to choose any fighter they saw fit based on whether or not they had the ability to be at future events and their chivalry and prowess. 

All the fencers in the field discussing the rules of the tournament. From left to right: Master Robert, Stephen, Marc, myself, Keith H., Ryan, and Luke. Photo by Libby Bair Brooks. 

Myself fighting against Luke. Photo by Libby Bair Brooks.

I had fought in a few tournaments before and I was usually out in the first two rounds, but this time I had won my first three fights. I was called up for my fourth fight against Zhao Fong (Keith H.), who is one of the best fencers in our area and certainly the most skilled fighter in the tournament. Myself and Zhao Fong (Keith H.) stood in the center of the field with Master Robert who was marshaling the fights. Robert started going over the rules for the final round when I stopped him. 

“Wait, wait, wait…is this the final round?” 

Robert and Zhao Fong (Keith H.) both looked at me and replied “Yes” 

“....I made it to the final round with Zhao Fong?” my disbelief was becoming evident. 

They both confirmed and I grabbed Zhao Fong's arm in excitement. “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND; I HAVE NEVER MADE IT TO FINALS BEFORE!!!” 

He smiled and they both encouraged me to take a quick break to gather myself before the fight. I ran up to Javier who had been watching my gear and cheering me on throughout the tournament. I explained to him what was happening and went back out to fight. Both Zhao Fong and myself had been undefeated up to that point and since it was double elimination we had to fight until one of us had lost two rounds. He beat me clean and easy twice in a row and we both went to stand before the baron and baroness. 

Even though I lost the fight I was thrilled. I had never won three rounds, let alone made it to the final round against such a renowned fighter. As far as I was concerned it was already a phenomenal day. Zhao Fong was announced as the winner, but to my complete shock I was chosen as the Rapier Champion of Castlemere. Tears started streaming down my face. They presented me with the champion's sword and I was overwhelmed with everyone congratulating me. 

The Barons Toramasa (T.S.) and Aki (Elizabeth), myself, and Queen Elena (Danielle). Photo by Christi Hobbs.

Myself with Zhao Fong (Keith H.). Photo by Christi Hobbs.

I was also approached by Kassidy, the daughter of an SCA member who had recently started coming back to the events. She had watched the fighting and was so inspired because I had been the only female fencer in the competition that day. I had always looked up to others within the fencing community and didn’t really know how to respond. Phil, one of the fighters in the competition, heard me wavering and jumped in. He encouraged me to be more confident and really take it to heart that I had inspired someone. He lovingly helped me explain some of the basics to Kassidy. 

Christi was there to take photos and sent them to Sergio letting him know that I was chosen as the champion. Javier was excited and thankfully he was okay with us staying later for court since now I got to process in with the baron and baroness. I was given my Award of Arms that day (an award that allows you the ability to carry weapons in the presence of nobility). The award also allows you to wear a thin circlet made of metal to indicate your status. Everything had been so spontaneous that there was none available on hand but Christi placed hers on my head during the ceremony. 

Photo by Libby Bair Brooks.

Receiving my circlet and awards before the court. All of the award scrolls are hand painted by skilled artists in the SCA and they are made to resemble illuminated manuscripts. They are presented in plastic sleeves to preserve their beauty until they can be framed.

Photo by Libby Bair Brooks.

After the ceremony Javier and I were both invited to the feast. We got to sit at the table with the nobility and since the event was for the Barons Toramasa and Aki (whose SCA personas are Japanese); we got treated to a four course Japanese style meal. I have to say, I have always been blown away by the cooks at any SCA event. They always create the most beautiful and delicious meals with incredible attention to detail and historical accuracy. 

Once the meal was over Javier and I helped clean up and we were on our way back to Orlando. I was still coming to grips with all of the amazing things that had happened that day. The next day I went over to Sergio’s apartment. He made his Cuban coffee and I went over all the details of the event. 

A few days later Tim, the first person I had trained with in the SCA, reached out and sent me a lovely message to congratulate me. I am still blown away by all the generosity and kindness from everyone I have met in the SCA. I still have the gorget, hood, and gloves from Tim, fencing mask from Davius, and sword and dagger from Christian. All given to me by people who wanted to see me succeed when I felt like I was fumbling. 

Continuing to train with Sergio helps me bridge the gap between the fighting and the arts. He is a jack of all trades and seems to know how to do a little bit of everything. And my cadet brother, Javier, cheering me on all day. All the encouragement and kind words just fill my heart with joy. I truly never thought I would get this far. 

Myself and Sergio, the Rapier Champion of Castlemere and the Rapier Champion of Wyvernwoode. Photo by JP Holcomb.

Monarch in The Grass

Interrupted Nap