The Break

In 2007 I was enrolled in an Advanced Drawing class. All of our projects were centered around human anatomy. The teacher left the students to decide the context of the imagery. My boyfriend and I were going through a break up and I decided to let the inner workings of the human body become a metaphor for my inner conflict.

We were both grounded on the floor to symbolize how hurt we were. I gave him the musculature and an upright position as a reference to my hope that he would take charge of the situation and be stronger. His hopeless downward gaze and his back being turn to the viewer was meant to represent his detachment and lack of resolve. He extends his feet rather than his arms to signify a disrespect for my feelings. 

I lay across from him with my entire body on the floor and bone structure visible to represent the depth of the hurt I was feeling. My body is more open to the viewer to symbolize my willingness to face the problem. My left arm wraps around my legs to show my desire to save myself. My right arm reaches out to him and I am looking up waiting for him to move. He continues to stare at the floor. 

This is a large multi-panel piece. It starts of with a large portrait of myself lost in thought. The rest of the panels are manifestations of my thoughts. The smaller picture of my ex and I is a reference to the previous two panel piece. However, in this image I am completely turned away from him. I am moving in the opposite direction toward a steep drop.  This is my acknowledgment of the difficult road ahead but also knowing that it is the only way out. The image of myself in the background drawing on the easel was meant to symbolize my change in perspective and willingness to embrace the future. The image of myself sitting in front of the skeleton was my way of expressing a desire to be true to my inner self. 

Nude Study

This was a study of a live nude model I did in junior college. A few years later, with the encouragement of an instructor, I photographed the image, reprinted it on arches paper and drew the musculature over the original. 

Pasta Dish

This was an illustration I made for a recipe card. I don't normally draw food so this ended up being quite a challenge. It took several hours but I love the way it came out. My eyes enjoy the deep contrast between the warm, earthy colors of the plate and the cool, rich colors in the background. 

Self Portrait with Bone Structure

Since I gravitate towards figure drawing, anatomy is a very important part of the artwork I make. I'm blessed with a good eye for proportions, however, getting the figure and the skeleton to look right independent of each other is very different from getting them to match up together. It it a difficult way to approach anatomy but it it is ultimately worthwhile.

The hardest part of these drawings is that you have to take the skeleton that is available and adjust it to fit your own anatomy. You end up learning more about yourself without even realizing it. 

Of the three, this one is my favorite. I think it is the best self portrait but I also love the composition of the background. I ended up positioning myself between two huge mirrors and was able to capture the ongoing reflection of the frames. 

Froggies

I don't even remember what this assignment was for. All I know is that it makes me smile. 

Collage

This was a collage project. We had to carve out simple shapes on to a rubber stamp, print them on paper, and make a larger pattern with them. For some reason I found the repetitiveness of the project cathartic. I ended up making several rubber stamps with variations of the pattern as well as printing them in many different colors and on multiple sheet of tissue paper. I ended up having the largest and most complex pattern in the class.

Wings

This was made just before I started junior college. This was a very difficult time for me. I had originally wanted to go to the Art Institute of Fort Lauderdale, however, the school was expensive and the money simply wasn't there.  I ended up enrolling in the St. Petersburg Junior College to get my AA degree. I was frustrated because I felt like I was putting my dreams on hold to take more general education courses. More importantly was the backlash I seemed to get from those closest to me. I had been creating art since I was old enough to hold a crayon and yet most people I knew seemed genuinely shocked that I wanted to make I career out of art. I wondered why people hadn't been taking me seriously for the first 19 years of my life. I felt like people thought art was this phase I was suddenly going to snap out of. As if somehow by magic college was going to turn me into a doctor or engineer. 

Because I am the only artist in my family I felt like I had no one to relate to during this difficult time. I remember being so overwhelmed with frustration yet unable to talk about it. I've never been someone who bottles up emotion so I knew I needed to release it somehow. I created this page in one of my sketchbooks. 

It became this one page that contained all of my raw emotion. It was executed in a very brash and uncontrolled manner. It was the visual representation of the anger I was feeling. Now I had a way to literally face it and move on. 

I never threw it away because I wanted the ability to look back on it and see how far I had come emotionally and artistically. 

The following work was the first piece of art I made at junior college. I think the only parameter for the assignment was that it had to contain writing. Since enrolling at the junior college I had committed myself to a renewed ambition to make a career out of art so I decided to write about that. 

The words in the piece read as follows:
"Art is what I am made of. It will never be separated from me. I would always get mad at people when they told me to put other things in my life first. But art is what keeps me going. Anyone who ridiculed why I made art ridiculed my reason To Be. Everyone saw is as a fire of destruction, but I saw it as a fire of strength and growth. Everyone says that art is too hard to make a career out of, but if it is all I've wanted, why hold me back? I'm ready to give it my all because that is the only way I will ever be outstanding. I'm ready to let go with both hands and embrace what is mine. Art gives me a sense of wholeness that nothing else can. I'm tired of people testing my convictions, waiting for me to fail. Could it be so hard to believe that I know what is best for me? The one thing that makes great people great was their ability to listen to their instincts and say 'this is what I'm made for'. Letting go with both hands doesn't mean you have a safety net waiting. Letting go with both hands means you are ready to find your wings. This is not too good to be true."

Written across the edges of the landscape is a quote from a band named Trust Company:
"No one can see anything on the other side of me. I walk, I crawl, loosing everything waiting for a downfall."

I loved the way the lyrics tied into the piece. I had chosen to face away from the viewer because I was looking toward the future and walking my own path. I was ready to fly.

Much to my surprise most of the people in the class tried to offer me help because they thought I was suicidal. I had to explain to them that it was ultimately an optimistic piece about knowing who you are and allowing yourself to be that person.

When I look at this piece I see self awareness and hope. I didn't see my situation as a setback any more, I was just being redirected.